I wish I had the credentials to be more helpful when it comes to life in general. But, as it stands I can only write and be truthful about what I have experienced in my essays. I am not an instructor, nor am I a visionary. I am a believer in Jesus Christ who happens to have had quite an eventful life, one that has spanned time with a considerable amount of unbelievable close calls that I am willing to share, as a Living Witness for Jesus Christ.
Hate: To loathe. Hate is a total waste of time. What are we thinking, time is one of our most precious commodities? Even if we enjoyed our wrong doings, we still lose valuable time, time that can never be retrieved.
There is nothing positive in waste, or self-gratification at the cost of someone else. All that senseless gloating over the destruction of others with nothing gained that’s tangible unless you are seeking the trophy for The Most Unnecessary Acts, Imaginable…
Get Real, do some of you really think this is funny? Payback or you reap what you sow, will not be a laughing matter when it’s your turn. It’s “Something to Think About.”
In order to be joyful over acts manifested out of hate, one must have an intense dislike, complete with deep hostilities towards another, and or their things. With all that baggage, especially the rage, there is no way a person can be happy, hating; or can they? Either way, it is way too much drama for me.
I found out the hard way and paid a hefty price concerning the consequences of hate, including wishing away gifts given to me by God. Gifts I didn’t see as gifts at that time, but when they were revealed to me, those gifts turned out to be some of my best assets. I just couldn’t see it then, causing me to lose some of them by acts of sheer ignorance.
As busy as we are today, even back when you would think we have something better to do than sit around acting on emotions that sap the very life out of us. Entertaining events that are of no benefit to anything or anyone. Lusting after prideful notions, and conjuring up things I cannot name.
Throughout whatever the season, we all have our burdens to bear, as well as duties to one another, including laws to live by; which is not always the case when we are children, especially when I was a child. Without diplomacy, at times I would strike out; As an adult, although I may not hit, I still can hate with an intensity that can boil over into things we don’t want to talk about. The things that would have to change.
I do remember thinking some not so Christian-like thoughts back then, but I truly don’t remember really hating anyone, except for her, a name I won’t give; it isn’t necessary. But my hatred, although I had forgiven her, remained something I didn’t understand for years, until Cancer paid a visit, and taught me life lessons that would bring about unexpected experiences, and change.
She is a part of a story that stands out when I lost my hair to Chemo and an event that happened years earlier, causing me to recognize a message embedded in our uncomfortable season together. A lesson to be passed on as a Living Witness for Jesus Christ.
I was bullied by this classmate when in high school, and I didn’t know why. As it turned out the bully was jealous of my hair, the same hair cancer would claim; the same hair I was wishing away because I couldn’t handle it. As pretty as it was, and as long and wavy as it was, I couldn’t see it, and I didn’t want it
One day after a swim lesson, this person thought they had the shower room all to themselves, that is until they happened to notice I was in the locker room, a few feet away. Before I was seen, they had removed their wig, exposing their almost completely bald head. In 1963 young girls did not wear wigs, so this was a first for me.
When we looked into each other’s eyes, all I saw was pain and fear, not the hurt she excised on me on a regular basis. My hair hung down my back almost to my buttock and was far more of a pain than she could ever imagine. I hated my hair simply because it was too much, and she hated me because she had too little.
In today’s society, women are paying big money for what I hated and eventually lost to Cancer. Hair, confirmed that old saying, “You don’t miss your water until the well runs dry.” or in my case, when your head is bald. I am not complaining but, I hated losing that same hair I was wishing away in days past, and losing it was the only time I cried about anything remotely related to Cancer. How easily things can change.
Also, there was no way we had the tools to handle hair like I had back then, and I would have fared far better if my hair was course. But in today’s society, ever since May Lin crossed the ocean from one of those Asian countries with bags and bags of hair, we have been buying, and tossing hair out at an alarming rate. Not back in my day, there was no such thing, and hair was a huge chore, too much for any 15-year-old girl.
I wished it would go away, and it did when I was taking Chemo. While I was showering, it all came out in clumps, just like we see in the movies. Now, I don’t know if that classmate ever got over hating me, but I certainly got over why. We both hated the same thing, my hair. How strange was that, and how sorry was I now?
I had heard if you lose your hair to cancer, it is supposed to grow back, a better grade. Well, as a black girl suffering from the “I think I am better, because I got good hair” syndrome, I can tell you this; I am not too sure about that myth because I already had a fairly nice grade of hair, so there was little or no change, but I can say with confidence, if you lose your hair to chemical or nuclear drugs, you lose it everywhere, and I mean everywhere, so let’s move on.
Cancer is an event, that may cause you to lose your hair, hate yourself in the process, but it’s still something you can get through. My sister, Ruby died of Cancer and never lost one strand of hair. Maybe if I was not wishing mine away at an early age, I could have been saved from that fate? Now, I am a witness to the fact that we sometimes get what we ask for, so be careful of what come out of your mouth, you may get your wish, as I did mine.
I don’t know if events, turned that hard-hearted bully’s life around, but Cancer certainly changed mine for the better. I am grateful for whatever I have, large or small, hair or no hair. I learned the power of the tongue and I learned some who attack are only hurting and need more than another slap in the face.
That day in the locker room, when I confronted my enemy and I told her, her secret was safe with me, although she had given me all that grief, I felt her pain. I told her all my hair problems and we became friends, I guess; you really never know. All she wanted was someone who saw her instead of her bald head. 45 years later I felt the pain and embarrassment of losing all my hair until I remembered that day in the locker room; and my daddy, but that’s another story.
Remembering that story changed my outlook, I stopped crying over lost hair, I put on my new wig, and my baseball cap as I prayed for the day it would grow back. It did, but it took 4 years just to cover the crown of my head, but it took almost 40 years to realize whatever is given to me is a blessing to be cherished, there are so many without anything at all.
FYI: We are blessed, so take heed to the fact that all we have are gifts from God, and everything we say or do is all by design.
But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Matthew 10:30
Let the church say amen.
Thank you, Lord, for the gift of understanding. In Jesus name, we pray. Amen
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